Surrogacy has become a popular option for many individuals who want to be parents but can’t conceive or carry on their own; in fact, the number of people who have chosen that route grew 89 percent between 2004 and 2008. However, it comes with a lot of questions. For both parents-to-be and potential surrogates, there are many things to consider and plan for, and every case is different. You may want to pay bonuses to your surrogate according to how much their living expenses will be or whether they need a C-section or natural birth, for instance. If you’re considering being a surrogate, you need to make sure there’s a detailed birth plan that will spell out what the parents-to-be will be responsible for.
Individuals on both sides also need to ensure their interests are covered no matter what happens. Talk to a lawyer who can help you get the legalities hammered out, and make sure you understand any paperwork before you sign or agree to anything. It might also help to talk to someone who has been through the process already; if you don’t know anyone, think about looking for a message board or support group online that will assist you.
Look for a Lawyer
There are plenty of cases in which parents and surrogates work amazingly well together toward a common goal, but there are some instances in which one or both sides are let down. Protect yourself by hiring a lawyer who specializes in or is familiar with the ins and outs of surrogacy, and make sure you have guidance through the entire process to avoid getting burned. Do some research on the laws in your state regarding surrogacy, as well.
Get to know your surrogate
It’s imperative to get to know the person you’re thinking of hiring as your surrogate, so write down some interview questions well ahead of time. According to GrowingGenerations.com, “Before the meeting, do your due diligence to read over your surrogate’s profile and come up with a list of questions you’d like to ask. These can be lighthearted or more serious questions about topics such as carrying multiples.”
Talk to your partner, if you have one, about what your expectations are and how you can successfully navigate the interview together.
Parents Should Consider All the Costs
Besides the surrogate fee, you may work out a plan to pay for things such as maternity clothing or healthcare. Think about the details when it comes to buying items to help your surrogate get through the pregnancy comfortably; you might want to provide for clothes that will help her stay comfy from the beginning of gestation to post-birth, so think about looking for flowy tunic tops, wrap dresses, high-waisted maternity leggings and even nursing pajamas for the hospital. Covering the cost of these kinds of items will allow your surrogate to focus on staying healthy and safe during pregnancy.
Timing Is Key
When it comes to figuring out when and how to tell your friends and loved ones about your planned surrogacy, it’s important to make sure the timing is just right for you. Setbacks and disappointments can push back dates you already have penciled in on your calendar, and if you’ve already told people about your plans, it may be painful or embarrassing to walk it back. Consider only telling a small circle of people about what’s going on at first, then make a bigger announcement when you feel more confident about the outcome.
Surrogacy can be beneficial for all parties involved, but only if everyone is well-educated about the process and how to make it a success. Keep communication open as much as possible and be very clear in your expectations. With a good plan, you can get through the process with ease.
Full-spectrum doula Brie Buxton can help you navigate through your birthing options. 831.359.2668
I will not be attending births June - August.
If you're due Fall 2022, please contact me for your FREE consultation!
(I‘m typically booked in the first trimester)